I wasn't accepted in Yakal.

For the first two minutes or so of that realization, I was frozen and infuriated. How can I not be accepted in Yakal? I THINK I'm a model student [lol]. And besides, I come from Albay, Albay is a poor province, we Albayanos are poor people so we should all get accepted in Yakal!

What the hell is OSH's problem? It's now accepting people from Cavite like this girl I know who we should just call Leah Sumbeling who even spent four years studying in a high school an FX Ride away. [haha..bitter]

But after five hours or so I realized that I'm still, err, fine. At least I got accepted in a UP Dorm. And Molave is fun, too, I heard and I admit.

This Monday I'm already going to check in at Molave. I want to get ahead of the First Come First Served Basis.

And as mushy as it may sound, I badly miss living inside UP Diliman.

I woke up early today due to some depression issues and decided to go to UP Diliman immediately after my last hair strand dried. I was very eager to see the Dormitory Application Results since two months of domestic lethargy made me miss UP Dorm life.

When I arrived at the Office of the Student Housing, 2nd Floor Vinzons Hall, horror of stupid technical logistics horror! There wasn't any effing list yet. Not even a single effing name on their effing ugly bulleting board! Actually, because of OSH's incredible lack of efficiency and professional ethics and capable rational manpower, people have started lining up outside just to see the un-see-able F*CKING RESULTS that should have BEEN MADE AVAILABLE ALREADY SINCE THEY HAD FREAKING TWO MONTHS OR SO TO SIT THEIR ASSES AND GET THINGS DONE!

I decided to calm down and sit on the floor while looking at obvious freshies and their parents going in and out of the Office asking when the results would be posted. I asked a fellow ex-Kalaier when they would REALLY post the list and he said any time during the day. WTF. And so I decided to eat breakfast at Rodic's first, deliberately slowing down my chewing and digesting and biting. And then instead of the shorter Katips jeep ride I rode an Ikot so when I arrive at Vinzons the heavens would be nice enough to give OSH people the neurons and conscience to post the f**king results.

But surprise! No results yet and people have been crowding the corridor thinking about where they will stay this academic year! And then a mother and son tandem came out and said the OSH will just release the results any time before 5PM. WTF again. They actually expect us wait in there until 5 as if we don't have freaking lives! what the HELL. sayang ng pamasahe! even the carebest people have been delving into hospitality matters by assisting inquiring applicants. minutes after a lady from OSH came out and said we can just look at the results online at 'their site' later, but to be sure, we should expect the results tomorrow. SCREW them.

I decided to inquire inside about the online site thingy and asked if they ACTUALLY had a website, and what did they say?:

basta i-google mo na lang, OSH tapos UPD. [...]

but what was the most infuriating part of it all? while I was waiting for the desk officers answer to my website query, I looked at my left and saw , though the glass door, the OSH people still deliberating on the dorm applications. shet.

what were they up to the whole summer? sun bathing in Boracay? seriously.

OSH should be scrapped off, tossed to the river and be buried in alluvial deposits, err, mud.

I should be whining right now, depressed because I got a flat one in a subject which, I thought, would usher in my much-awaited academic career in philosophy. But I am placated, I am tired, I am in still awe of my Indiana Jones movie experience.

So I thank Professor Valero, for whatever reason he deemed enough to give this psychology freshman an uno in an elective he technically was not yet allowed to take, but he did, because he's such an impatient ass of this earth. I took Philo 120, Philosophical Reasoning, because I was anxious I'd get delayed once I was able to shift to Philo. And also, I wanted to know what it's like in a UP Philosophy class. And so after some weeks, three papers, loads of discussions and dried hairwax and dusty Katips ride, I have my grade now. But it's such an ambivalent celebration.

I just want this uno to mean much more. More than a clean line on the transcript. More than the highest grade. More than effort. I thought it would mean a life in analysis, in intellectual creativity, in days and mornings of argumentations, reasoning, logic. But now it means dreams gone and a life for something bigger. But I don't know, I still want to hold on to whatever I thought that uno would be. Perhaps looking back, I know I've learned, and I know I knew what I wanted in life. But like what I have said, life isn't as simple as wanting something and getting it.
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On a lighter note, I feel relieved that my CW 10 prof wasn't a total b*tch. Now I love her. I think I really, really LOVE her. LoL. I really thought she would give me a grade of 2 below, because during the workshop, she made me feel like a hollow-brained idiot who just happens to know how to write letters. But I guess she still pities me. Thank God for the concept of pity. Mabuhay si Mam!

i'm kinda excited with my trip back to where i lived for 16 years! and so before i dwindle in that city with much provincial and rural lethargy, i want to make a blog post of gratitude for someone [or something] to which i have had a love-hate relationship for, err, three semesters now - the UP Diliman CRS! hooray.


yesterday, i realized how the CRS people love ne, and truth be told, i did feel their warmth and compassion for my welfare. i love you CRS people, i wish you well on your love lives, family lives and even sex lives. and now, if you could only give me two english GEs and the STAT subject i so badly need, i will make a petition for Roman to increase your salaries. promise.


hooray. i'm off to albay now. and i will be hibernating for, hopefully, at least a week.


see. CRS has a crush on me. click to enlarge. [i think].

i got my bus ticket today. and it was my first time to ride a jeep to cubao. geez, i never thought it was that near, i really have to stop being dependent on the MRT and taxis.


i'll be going to tabaco this sunday. the 'home' has been scrapped off 'going [blank]' since, technically, the absence of the whole family [in tabaco] has dethroned its status as a home. so yeah, i'm going to tabaco. i honestly don't know what i'm supposed to do there. a year ago i was dying to leave that city and all the not so nice memories in there. but now i just..want to go back.


my summer classes had ended yesterday with me submitting my final draft for my creative writing class. p.s. my cw prof is a biyats, but somehow i think she's actually nice, she just has bitchy genes. i realized this one yesterday, when we had a workshop inside her room at the faculty center. BUT, i still hate her.


meanwhile, my philo 120 ended two days earlier, and i was even late for the last meeting. we had this really, really long exam about the moral laws, case study authors, whatevers and all the universal law stuffs. oh god i will definitely miss philosophy. somehow i am thankful, that before i leave the social sciences and get my ass on an err, profitable career, i was able to take a subject as intellectually stimulating and fulfilling as philo 120 [philosophical reasoning].


i was in UP yesterday and saw ex-dormmate martin who i always tease about lambert. and he looked at me, with a hint of irritation, 'philo pala bok ha!'. and i just smiled and shrugged it off. actually no, i don't smile at people, i told him 'eh ano naman sayo martin?!'. i feel so unfriendly. and he left and that made me think. i was with john dale that time, we were desperately waiting for Katips jeeps since i was curious about the food in NISMED canteen.


***


the NISMED canteen is a big whatever. i thought it was posh and swanky and all. i never thought that when people said the canteen was good, they were only referring to the shakes. which is bad since we went there for lunch. over lunch i had john dale read my CW final draft and i kept whining about the 2.5 and the unremarkable beef picadillo we had for lunch, which was soggy oily and tomato-ish. that day was his last day in kalay, i had my final days in kalay months before, and john dale wasn't looking sad at all. he looked monotonous, which is his facial expression 95% of the time.


while we walked i thought about my disrupted philosophy dreams. i just think the whole course thing is too complicated. right now i just want to graduate and work, pay the people i have to pay, and afterwards i can really choose what i want to do in my life.


i payed 130 pesos for a new ID. i told the cashier i had to change it since i transferred colleges. but actually, i just want the new centennial ID and me donning a wacky pose on the ID photo instead of the arbitrary suffocated look. to my horror, i realized that the only difference the old and the new ID has is that ubiquitously boring UP centennial logo. ugh. and now they have 'in case of emergency contact...' thing at the back. which is, well, uber redundant. and besides, manong ID photographer said i can't have a new ID since i am still enrolled in BA Psych. i told him, 'manong, mag eenrol lang naman ako next sem, promise! piktyuran mo na ako, please.' but he said no, and i hated him a lot since my haircut looks nice these days, it's an effing 350 and will morph in about a week into the crown mess that is my natural hair. i was practicing my wacky pose on the way to OUR, but, gahd, frustrations. note to self: the centennial freshies look old.


i'm bored. what was i saying?

i have seen this series while i browsed through stacks of counterfeit discs in the 'pirate corner' of UPD's shopping center. it looked so flowery and sounded sooo not famous that i never even contemplated for a second on buying it. hell, TV series on that shop were around 100, so your purchases have to be good.

it turns out, however, that 'pushing daisies' is good for my own standards. why is that so? because it's about a pie-maker who can bring back the dead to life. and no, do not think about sweeney todd while visualizing what i just said. just this afternoon i went back to SC to buy one, but to my horror, all of their stocks were sold out. gahd, pushing daisies is becoming famous now! err.

i also learned that they have demoted this series down the 75 peso price range. err, filipinos have no appreciation towards having the ability to make dead people live again.

i abhor thee

i abhor thee, UP-SM North jeep. i will wake up at 7:30, which is horribly early for my body clock, get dressed up by 8, hop into you at 8:30, and then you freaking drop me off at my destination at 9:10. what a jeep from HELL.

you could have done me a favor and would have opted to not slouch so much whenever you see passengers urging you to stop. but no, you stop on the street as if the whole of manila is your paradahan, wait for prospective fare-payers and even have your driver act out like his own barker. gahd what an urban perversion you are. you take longer than breakfast digestion, you're slower than a luxury morning shower. you are human greed personified, with your interior always sweaty and tight as if tomorrow all commuters will have their own toyota corollas.

you just speed through, gather smoke and dust, gather more smoke, and gather even more passengers. you don't care about me, seated at the end of your sweaty cushioned chair, running pathetically late for my class. you don't care about me and my sense of time. you aggravate my tardiness, you are a spawn of chronological evil, you are the source of spatial stagnation.

i abhor thee, UP-SM North jeep. and now until this warm summer shall end, i will live my sun-kissed days with SM-Lagro taking me to where i should be. right on time.