Personal Warning: Reading this Blog is Useless for Your Health

Super Psycho

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

super psycho(n.) an immensely disturbed individual who is obsessed with ranting, whining, and blabbering about his life. severely unstable and emotionally undefined, a super psycho should always be dealt with at a distance greater than 50 feet and, with some few doses of aspirin.

WHO THE HELL IS SUPER PSYCHO?
Name:Empermeen Mallawee
Nickname:Elp, Elf, Elfer, Elper, Emper, Empermeen, Buknoy, Boknoy, Bok, Mallawee
Age: I am 15. And I mean it.
Address: Honestly?
Favorite Color: Green, Orange
Favorite Food: Rodic's Jumbosilog
Motto in Life: Abolish our selves.
Favorite High School Subject: Biology
Most Hated High School Subject: Values Education
Most Unforgettable Experience: When I abolished my self.
Most Embarrassing Experience: When I abolished my self.
Who is your Crush: My self.
Do you think autograph questions are dumb?: Super.
So why are you answering this?: Why do you care.
Ambition in Life: To be a Super star.
What is Love: Love is what you say when 'horny' doesn't sound right.
If you were a deodorant scent, what would you be?: Natural Scent.
Your film biopic's title would be: E-pal
One word that best describes you: Magnificent.
What can you say about PGMA?: She has a mole on her face.
How about Josepha Estrada?:His stomach is really big.
How about Angel Locsin?:Her face looks too small.
Your alter ego's name is: Kokey
Dedication: World Peace.
Any Last Words?: Rrrawwrr.

I'M EVERYWHERE!
We're Just Friends...ter
Yahoo Me, Yahoo You

GIMME MORE! MORE...BLOGS
Allan Habon
Riley Palanca
Aio Arzadon
Cess Carlos Leya Sumbeling

MY FANS SAY THAT...

A HISTORY OF PSYCHOSIS

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Tuna Sisig and the Birthday Boy

His name was Caramel. He's just the same as all the gay comedy bar hosts you can find in Metro Manila, except that his humour is inclined more towards the rural, laid-back type. And in essence, he's not that funny. At all. In fact, his sense of fun is so distorted that my friends and I wondered how much Bicol has been left out in terms of entertainment value.

Good thing, though, that the night was not centered on Caramel alone and her pathetic attempts at perking up a rather bland evening at a distant province. It was K's birthday and he just turned 18. We've been good friends since we were 10, when he still brought a yellow Gameboy to school everyday, and when I was still as fat as a kid with metabolic disorder. For this year's edition, K decided not to break tradition by still opting to include a drinking spree in the itenerary.

However, he was so much into the party mood that he decided we should all get drunk at the city's lone decent disco club. And mind you, the level of decency is still lacking, we just didn't have any other choice.

So for the remaining hours of his birth day, K and the rest of our 'barkada' boozed the night away in semi-cold San Mig pilsen, indulging in sips and sighs while complaining about how sour the sizzling sisig was. Hours before that, the celebration was relatively more wholesome with all of us sucking in plates of sweet spaghetti and the chocolate cake K baked with his own cullinary audacity.

When I started with my college life, I thought that I wouldn't miss the company of the people who made my social life in Tabaco a little more memorable. But during times like these, such as sharing beer mugs and spoonfuls of tuna sisig with everyone else, I feel ashamed of having forgotten how fun it was to be with these people.

The evening ended at 1:30 AM, when we all walked back to K's house as the town poblacion glowed with what was left of its rural lights. It was drizzling and we squeezed under the few umbrellas we had, as G invited everyone to spend the evening at his house. Thankfully no one had too much alcohol that night, we still made sense as we tried to keep the conversations running.

J has a girlfriend now, the same girl he had been crushing on since we were 9, something he told me to keep as a secret until they become a couple. He managed to do that after 9 years. R is keeping his dream of becoming a math teacher. He was my seatmate during our Geometry and Algebra classes. We used to have problem solving races in high school. G, on the other hand, spent Christmas alone in their house by the hoodlum-land. That's where we were going to spend the night.

But I opted to go home, though. I felt the night was fun enough for me to retire and contemplate on what I have left behind to get my shot at a good life.

I wonder when we'll see each other again.

Posted by

(0) choo choo

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Sorry

Sorry room mate.

I'm so apologetic that I have to blog about the apology. =)

Posted by

(0) choo choo

Friday, December 26, 2008

The Boring 2008 Survey

1) PLACE YOU HUNG OUT THE MOST IN THIS YEAR:

sa CBA out of compulsion, proximity and education. lol. masaya naman. sa Vinzons tambayan(?), sa Econ at syempre sa Ipil. T_T

2) FAVORITE NEW PLACE YOU DISCOVERED:

UP-ayala land technohub. malamig kasi dun kapag 11pm.

3) PLACES YOU WENT ON DATES:

ugh.

4) FAVORITE VACATION SPOT OF THE YEAR:

tabaco, albay. paging department of tourism.

5) PLACES YOU MADE OUT IN THIS YEAR:

omg, God forgive you.

______________________________________________________________________________*****PEOPLE:1)

PERSON/S WHO TAUGHT YOU ALOT THIS YEAR:

si Gavin Lee, andami kong natututunan sa giggles and laughter nya. pero labyu pa rin Sir!lol. si Mam Chua?kahit hindi ako nakikinig sa kanya. honestly, walang nagstastand out. so bakit ko pa sinasagutan.

2) AN OLD FRIEND YOU REDISCOVERED THIS YEAR:

high school friendships siguro. kasi thrice akong nagbakasyon sa amin.

3) PERSON WHO TOLD YOU THE NICEST THING ABOUT YOURSELF:

dahil sa recency effect, siguro si jacques?kahit hindi ko maalala kung meron man.

4) PERSON WHO DID SOMETHING REALLY GREAT FOR YOU (AND WHAT):

si Jesus Christ. Yikee. T_T

5) PERSON YOU SPENT THE MOST TIME WITH THIS YEAR:

pwede hatiin yung year? nung last school year, syempre Kalay floormates. tapos this school year, si Alistair. nakakasawa na. joke.

6) PERSON YOU DID SOMETHING REALLY GREAT FOR (AND WHAT):

Leya. sinamahan ko siya manood ng Oblation Run because she's tigang that way.

7) SOMEONE YOU WISHED YOU TALKED TO THIS YEAR:

yung classmate ko sa Stat na mbb.harhar.

8) SOMEONE WHOM YOU STARTED A GREAT NEW FRIENDSHIP WITH:

deb soc people.lol.

9) OLD ENEMY YOU MADE PEACE WITH THIS YEAR:

they're still my enemies eh. technically, si ace ligsay.

10) SOMEONE YOU LOST THIS YEAR:

yung asong binigay saken nung 9 years old ako. T_T

11) PERSON/S YOU KISSED THIS YEAR:
eww. kadiri! haha

12) PERSON WHO MADE YOU LAUGH THE MOST:

Leya.

13) PERSON WHO MADE YOU CRY:
ako. blame it on me. lol

14) PERSON YOU DISLIKED WHEN THE YEAR BEGAN BUT ENDED UP BECOMING GOOD FRIENDS WITH:

walang nagfifit sa description na yan.

15) PERSON YOU CRUSHED ON THE ENTIRE YEAR:

wala eh. nag abstain ako. T_T

16) SOMEONE YOU WISHED YOU APOLOGIZED TO:

if i really wish to, sana ginawa ko na. wala rin.

17) PEOPLE YOU WENT OUT ON DATES WITH:

bad memories. LOL

18) FRIENDS YOU WENT OUT WITH ALOT:

wah. ayoko mag enumerate. baka may makalimutan ako.

19) COOLEST PERSON YOU MET THIS YEAR:

safe answer: si God. i rediscovered Him.

______________________________________________________________________________*****STUFF:1)

CLOTHING ITEM YOU WORE MOST THIS YEAR:

yung brown pants ko.

2) NICEST PRESENT YOU GOT THIS YEAR:
PSP siguro, dahil sa market value. pero i'm still waiting..haha

3) FAVORITE SONG OF THE YEAR:

Love for a child-jason mraz

4) COOLEST EVENT OF THE YEAR:

up fair din

5) NEW 'HOBBY' YOU PICKED UP THIS YEAR:

strolling.lol

6) BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR:

Accounting Principles-Wiegandt Kieso Kimmel. kasi siya lang yung ineeffort ko basahin.lol

7) BEST MOVIE of the year:
Erin Brokovich. ngayon ko lang naintindihan eh. harhar

8) MOST SHOCKING NEWS HEADLINE OF THE YEAR:

Pope Benedict is gay

9) FAVORITE FOOD FOR THE YEAR:

Choco Kiss' Blueberry Cheese Cake (dahil paulit-ulit)

10) FAVORITE NEW ARTIST THAT CAME OUT THIS YEAR:

pangit sila lahat

______________________________________________________________________________*****LESSONS:1)

WISEST THING YOU DID THIS YEAR:
pushed through simultaneous org application

2) STUPIDEST THING YOU DID THIS YEAR:

deliberately not doing my best sa acads.

3) BIGGEST CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE THIS YEAR:

my attention has shifted away from the academic. okay naman. wider world.

4) BIGGEST CHALLENGE OF THE YEAR:

staying sane.

5) SOMETHING YOU LEARNED THE HARD WAY:

you can't get everything you want.

6) GREATEST LESSON YOU LEARNED ABOUT:

A. LIFE- it's really big. B. LOVE- illusions of it abound.

7) BEST JOKE YOU'VE HEARD ALL YEAR:

'Edward Cullen is my soulmate.'

8) BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT OF THE YEAR:

not being a US.harhar

9) BIGGEST BLESSING OF THE YEAR:

house renovation?

10) BIGGEST THING YOU DISCOVERED ABOUT THE WORLD:

it's big nga. kulet.

11) BIGGEST THING YOU DISCOVERED ABOUT PEOPLE IN GENERAL:

not all of them will be good friends of yours.

______________________________________________________________________________*****AND

LASTLY!!!

1) GOALS/DREAMS FOR THE NEW YEAR:

discover what will really make me happy.

2) PREDICTIONS FOR THE NEXT YEAR ON:

A. LOVE – meron yan, i swear. B. CAREER – something fun to do alongside being a wannabe accountant. work sana, if only may time.

1) Was 2007 a good year for you?
YEZ.

2) What was your favorite moment of the year?

andami eh. walang cathartic, though

3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?

my simultaneous debsoc and jpia application, napagod talaga ako.

4) Where were you when 2007 began?

sa quezon city.

5) Who were you with?
family

6) Where were you when 2007 ended?

sa QC pa rin.

7) Who were you with when 2007 ended?
family. ugh

8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2007?

ewan ko kung meron. peor kung meron man, hindi.

9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2008?

ayoko.

10) Did you fall in love in 2007?

hindi. idedeny ko yan.

11) If yes, with who?
none.

12) If yes, do they know?

hindi yata. ay inconsistent.

13) Are you still in love with them?

nope.

14) Do you regret it?

kebs.

15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2007?
hindi.

16) Did you make any new friends in 2007?
yes

17) Who are your favorite new friends?

all of my new friends. =)

18) What was your favorite month of 2007?

february

19) Did you travel outside of the Philippines in 2007?
NO

20) How many different states did you travel to in 2007?
err

21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2007?

i think so.

22) Did you miss anybody in the past year?

yes

23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2007?

Erin Brokobitch

24) What was your favorite song from 2007?

i'm yours. kung hindi lang sana sya nagasgas

25) What was your favorite record from 2007?

we sing, we dance, we steal things-jason mraz

26) How many concerts did you see in 2007?

ewan

27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2007?

up fair

28) Did you drink alcohol in 2007?

yes

29) Did you do drugs in 2007?

nope.

30) How many people did you sleep with in 2007?

kadiri. ew.

31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?

oo naman. pero kebs.

33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2007?

pangit ka.

34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2007?
yes

35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2007?

yes.

36) How much money did you spend in 2007?

dapat ba exact amount?

37) What was your proudest moment of 2007?

nakakapit pa rin sa CS standing.lol

38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2007?

malamang kinalimutan ko na

39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2007 and change something, what would it be?

shouldn't have gotten drunk. on many occasions.

40) What are your plans for 2008?
i'm gonna get them.

Posted by

(0) choo choo

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Ama Niamo on a Christmas Day

In the Bicolano language, our dearest non-discriminating Lord's prayer, 'Our Father' is called Ama Niamo, and it has it's distinct tone and music when sung. Every time I hear mass at UP chapel, I would sing the Bicolano version instead of the Tagalog one, because I am irked by the numerous versions they have for the Tagalog version. There's a pop-ish one, and there's a chant-like version which I like more.

Tonight I was able to sing the Bicolano version again, after two years of obstinately refusing to hear mass at our town's main Catholic church. But as a respect to UP's intellectual contribution to my life, I intentionally veered away from listening to the homily and from reciting the prayers projected on the screen. Since, I hate those things, to that extent. The point is, I never thought I missed speaking the Bicolano language this much, especially our town's dialect. My conversations on the vernacular are usually limited to the Naga people I know.

After many years, as well, I was able to take communion at our Church. Not that I recognize any redemption it could actually bring, or a closer shot at salvation. I just want the feeling of lining up, opening your mouth and saying amen. And don't take that out of the context.

Which reminds me of a conversation over text messages that a friend shared to me:

BB: Aaargh! The church is sooo corrupt!
AA: Kebs. Nothing else offers a more concrete package for redemption.
BB: They could at least materialize the package, to make salvation more enticing.
AA: Friend, that's why there are priests who f*ck.

This is supposed to be my Christmas-themed post, but apparently, I've run out of all the mushy things one needs to be able to write something inspirational.

But for the season's sake, I think this year's Christmas feels like the ones I used to have back when I was a child. Which is a statement of fact, nothing sentimental.

Posted by

(0) choo choo

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

When we talk about haircuts

I realized I badly need a haircut. Something I should have gotten like, two weeks ago, if I wasn't so freaked out that I might run out of money come UP's Christmas celebrations.

The idea came up while I looked at how ridiculous my hairdo had become, especially if you rub wax on it not because you have a desired effect, but because you just want it to stay at one place. Gahd, I hate bad hair days. I blame Bruno's for this, they should post a disclaimer on their doors telling potential victims that they only do haircuts for old people.

I used to have this really old barber who had been my haircutter ever since I was 4, I don't know if he still, err, cuts or whatever. I stopped getting my haircuts from him when I was in fourth year high school, when i realized that his styling weren't bilaterally symmetrical. I felt so cheated that from then on, I regularly had my hair done at our town's only air-conditioned barber shop owned by the old-rich Chinese grandpas.

Here's a list of the barber shops and salons I've been to, and why you should avoid them:

David's Salon, SM North Edsa Main Building- There's a fat woman who cuts for this branch of David's. Waiting time for her is waaaay longer than the time she spends cutting your hair. I think she's lazy. I hate her. But of the four hair cuts she did on me, two were tolerable. And then there's this old woman who demands the same pay, she sucks as well. Her haircut made me look like I was sick.

Kevin's Kut, Trinoma- When I realized that David's Salon is unreasonably expensive, I tried this cheap-looking barber shop located at Trinoma. For one, it really is cheap, like 110 pesos, and they're good at barber's cut. The thing is, that's the only thing they're good at. At Kevin's Kut, they have no concept of haircut creativity, if there really is such. Once there was this barber who said my hair growth was abnormal. And so he cut and cut strands until I was near being semi-kalbo. I hate him, too.

David's For Rever, SM North Edsa The Block- I only had two haircuts in here. The first one looked like it was done by a malfunctioning razor shaver. The second one was kind of nice, since I specifically instructed ate haircutter to copy John Pratt's hairstyle. LOL

Ew. Why the hell am I blogging about hair cuts, anyway.

Merry Christmas!

Posted by

(0) choo choo

Monday, December 22, 2008

Two years ago...

I was browsing through my old blog site at Blogspot when I stumbled upon my Christmas-themed posts two years ago, as well as the ones I wrote in 2006. And since Multiply people are getting edgier and edgier when it comes to being creative with their posts (lol, Batac), I decided to feel nostalgic and post them here. Harhar. (ang cute ng tawang 'harhar'. lol)

December 2007

i hate this. i miss spending christmas in tabaco. the visual memory of walking to the streetsides to ride on the padyak, my blurry visions of the church altar while i pretend to listen, the exact crevices of the asphalt roads while we walk back home, i can still remember them.

but now my father wants us to regularly go to pampanga for christmas vacation. like, what the hell. i don't even speak kapampangan.

ever since my siblings started leaving tabaco to go on with their lives, we had been spending our christmas break in pampanga. last year, when we left because of the typhoon, we stayed there and snored the holiday away.

i told my father four hours ago that i wanted to stay here in quezon city and just follow them in the 24th, so i can be so jumpily happy with my internet life. he said no. i can still remember my christmas memories in my parents' hometown. we stay inside our granparents' hut like lethargic people, sitting our asses away simply because pampanga barrio lifestylewasn't the lifestyle we had. no, i don't wash plates, i don't feed chickens and i don't take a bath in deep wells. gahd. why is it so hard to understand?

I sound bratty two years ago. I hate me (two years ago).

December 2006

...meanwhile, ACET results are out in January. another frustration of mine is my ADMU course, bs chem/materials science eng'g. if i knew better i would have taken management engineering, like JK. anyway i don't think about these things much, ADMU will always be my second choice for my tertiary education. we're not filthy rich... i remember taking the ACET in Oct with daryl. we were in the same room and i could still recall the essay part. i was in my O.C mode.and another was the limited time for each area of study. i really thought it was quite fun. parang karera.

DLSUCET was the easier test[compared to ACET]. back then i didn't really like the university[because of my maroon brother], but now i am having some considerations since i took a good course upon application. bs econ and bs accountancy, double degree. which is the best path towards my other dream of being a corporate lawyer [the other one is being a neurosurgeon]. but i don't like the environment in DLSU, i think it's not how i like my academic life to be...

Big disclaimer:
I made this two years ago, that's why I kind of sound...innocently stupid. I can't recall ever dreaming of becoming a neurosurgeon, though. Grey's Anatomy had something to do with it. Another thing I observed, I used to write really long posts. Weird.

Why the hell can't I undo the italicize effect. Anyhoo, back-reading is kind of fun. I should do this often.

Posted by

(0) choo choo

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Yes, my hometown has internet connection

People are painting the house beige. Or yellow. Or whatever name they have for it.

My room, on the other hand, will be painted 'Flamingo Sweet'. Please don't laugh. It's the best shade of orange I could find on Boysen's color catalogue.

I've been home for two days now, and every time I wake up, the stench of paint is the first one to greet me. Which accurately explains my runny nose and my frequent headaches, if you discount the fact that I have been eating ice cream nonstop even with this kind of weather.

My parents decided to have our house repainted, or remodelled, or renovated in general. Actually, the renovation kicked off like, eleven months ago, but we only felt the sense of urgency right now, as the brood decided to flock in our 'ancestal' house for the holidays.

That's why we feel crowded. That's why I feel ill everyday, because of the fluttering sawdust, because of the offensive smell, because of the smell of labor. LOL. But no complaints, too bad I won't see the whole thing finished since work had to be cut to give way for our dearly beloved Christmas.

+++

I have two sets of accounting problems to be solved throughout Christmas break. I know it's not that bad, but I don't have a study table at home to rest my calculator on. My old one is now covered with newspapers, with beige paint splattered all over it.

Which makes me consider answering the whole thing at our hometown's very own Jollibee branch (yes, I am so proud of this), while facing the risk of seeing my high school teachers or high school enemies again, after almost two years of pure bliss.

I don't know. I just want to think I have some sort of a problem. Because right now I don't, and I don't want to get used to the feeling because it might kill me when January 6 approaches. I miss my UP life already. But my hometown, Tabaco, looks fun enough, it reminds me of Bella's Washington town in 'Twilight', since they both look really gloomy and Indie movie-ish.

Not that I'm a fan.

Posted by

(0) choo choo

Thursday, December 18, 2008

too blank

I'm not really holding on to anything. I just like staying in here, watching the world tumble away.

I'm not really in any position. I just like getting rooted to somewhere. Because I like security. Because it's hard to look for something new.

I'm not really dying. I just find it hard to absorb things, to understand. Because I like denial. I like refusal. I like creating my own version of things.

I'm not really waiting. I just like watching you from here.

I'm not really hurt. I just welcome the illusion of pain. Because it reminds me of all the what-could-bes. And all the things that will never happen.

Posted by

(0) choo choo It was a reaaaaally long night

Today, I feel so shitty. After a nine hour sleep. After taking an acid bath. After thanking my brother for treating me with a mocha frap that was too warm to be appreciated.

It would have been a nice memory had the Ms.Engg pageant ended earlier. Because it was too dragging, and all of the contestants looked horrible. They all looked too dehydrated. In fact, the whole thing ended in such an eerie hour that we didn't even know what to do next. I was with Bannuar, and we opted to walk all the way to Jollibee Philcoa because we felt famished after watching 18 guys do what they do best, look ugly.

But since we live in a nocturnal world, Jollibee was full. As in, it-pains-me-in-the-neck-to-squeeze-with-everyone full. And since we give value to isolation, we mulled on the idea of spending the morning in QC circle's karnabal. That was why we found our selves screaming our lungs out while we crossed Commonwealth together, and then Elliptical road.

We nearly died. Promise.

(A car zooms past ala-drifting wannabe.)
Ivy: (Shouting at the car driver) Hoy, umayos ka nga! Hindi ito race...(thinks)...kart!

Of course ''Karnabal sa Circle' was closed. Perhaps our sleepiness just triggered an automatic denial mechanism. In fact, we were so frustrated that we just indulged in small talks in QC circle's grassy expanse.

Yeah I know. It's...eww.

I felt so bad thinking I was spending time in QC Circle that I just pretended we were in our tambayan, laughing, skipping and hopping. But no, there were male whores all around us. And there were stacks of buko everywhere.

The morning ended over Jolly hotdog meals in Jollibee philcoa. We had to elbow out Engg orgs for the remaining tables, since we noticed they were just sleeping on them anyway. Grepa much. Lol. One by one we went home, and I took the first jeepney ride back to UP with fellow Bannuar people who lived in dorms.

And then I slept. And then woke up, packed my bags and find myself in our apartment-very-near-Trinoma, feeling so shitty and all.

Tomorrow I'll be bound for Bicol, and oddly enough, unlike last sem break, I don't want to go back there. I think I'm getting rooted in Manila, little by little. And I can imagine Deb Soc Naga people badgering me right now, reminding me of the rurality with which I was reared. LOL

Here's a memory of last night (or this early morning) that I had pushed at the back of my mind, for convenience's sake.

I had just puffed a stick of menthol cigarette (and yes, Will, I'm not bothered with menthol's health threats) when I bumped into Kat Usita. I learned that she just came from a drinking spree, although she looked really sober, sober enough to attempt introducing me to her straight brother (haha). And then, we shared stories. And I was shocked in a but-i-thought-he-said(...) way. Pero kebs, it's too worthless for me to still mull over it. Defensive much. LOL uli.

That's why I feel so shitty. Because it was such a long night. Because it was such a long non-drunkenness-induced sleep. Because it was such a fun night and yet so imperfect.

Because I put drama in things that were never dramatic in the first place.

But drama is just so fun.

Posted by

(0) choo choo

Sunday, December 14, 2008

WTF

I hate this.

My head aches so bad.

I'm still dizzy, like, bordering on the i-can't-function-properly dizziness.

I don't know where my cellphone is.

I couldn't finish my lunch.

I still have to do a lot of accounting stuff but I think I should get some sleep.

Gahd

Posted by

(0) choo choo

Monday, December 08, 2008

Blame the Leader

I sat with org mate, Ate S, on our bus ride back to Manila. It was early morning in Baguio, and the air conditioning kept on wheezing and puffing. The seats were a bit grimy, the spaces, constrained. I was wondering why I was leaving Baguio at such an early hour, since I haven't gone to Lourdes Grotto ever, not that I wanted to kneel down and pray. It's just that, the whole Baguio thing would have been better. Much better.

Because we wanted to be relevant, I asked Ate S what was it in leadership that got her to the whole let's-be-responisble drama. I told her about how I hated leadership roles way back in high school, simply because to be a leader then, I had no choice but to impose upon uncooperative vermins of the earth. I always felt that leadership bordered on tyranny, and I hate the feeling of too much power.

I hate the sense of elevation that leadership brings.

Ate S, though, talked about leadership in another way. I had often heard her say those things, during small org talks over pancit bilaos, and on other forgotten conversations at the tambayan. She had always believed that leadership wasn't about influence. That it wasn't about how stiff you enforce, or impose, or dominate or all the dim synonyms you can think of.

She thinks leadership is about inspiring people. It's about paving the way, not spanking the horse's ass to run to the right direction or to gallop a little faster. It's about making them do things, because you're so good at it that it shames others not to even try. I admire Ate S for that, I've always been fascinated by people like her.

But when I contemplated about the 'challenge' of leadership, I realized it was the same thing I have been running away from for years now. I didn't like the challenge because it lures. I didn't like the challenge because it becomes an excuse to do things, it becomes a justification, it becomes a validation of power acquisition.

I praise leaders like Ate S, who look at leading as something parallel to inspiring.

On the other hand, I fear and I loathe leaders who make leadership an excuse to boss people around, who make it a license for them to talk, and gawk, and blabber about stuff.

I hate the scums of the earth who think being a leader means being right all the time. Honestly.

***

PS

On the blame game.

I realized it's so easy to blame people if:

1) you don't know them
2) you think you know you know them
3) you just want to feel in control

Must be so hard to assertively point the finger, especially if you know that it means you do not have any emotional investment to lose, or any personal relationship to ruin.

Posted by

(0) choo choo