super psycho(n.) an immensely disturbed individual who is obsessed with ranting, whining, and blabbering about his life. severely unstable and emotionally undefined, a super psycho should always be dealt with at a distance greater than 50 feet and, with some few doses of aspirin.
WHO THE HELL IS SUPER PSYCHO?
Name:Empermeen Mallawee
Nickname:Elp, Elf, Elfer, Elper, Emper, Empermeen, Buknoy, Boknoy, Bok, Mallawee
Age: I am 15. And I mean it.
Address: Honestly?
Favorite Color: Green, Orange
Favorite Food: Rodic's Jumbosilog
Motto in Life: Abolish our selves.
Favorite High School Subject: Biology
Most Hated High School Subject: Values Education
Most Unforgettable Experience: When I abolished my self.
Most Embarrassing Experience: When I abolished my self.
Who is your Crush: My self.
Do you think autograph questions are dumb?: Super.
So why are you answering this?: Why do you care.
Ambition in Life: To be a Super star.
What is Love: Love is what you say when 'horny' doesn't sound right.
If you were a deodorant scent, what would you be?: Natural Scent.
Your film biopic's title would be: E-pal
One word that best describes you: Magnificent.
What can you say about PGMA?: She has a mole on her face.
How about Josepha Estrada?:His stomach is really big.
How about Angel Locsin?:Her face looks too small.
Your alter ego's name is: Kokey
Dedication: World Peace.
Any Last Words?: Rrrawwrr.I'M EVERYWHERE!
We're Just Friends...ter
Yahoo Me, Yahoo You
GIMME MORE! MORE...BLOGS
Allan Habon
Riley Palanca
Aio Arzadon
Cess Carlos
Leya Sumbeling MY FANS SAY THAT...
A HISTORY OF PSYCHOSIS
Nickname:Elp, Elf, Elfer, Elper, Emper, Empermeen, Buknoy, Boknoy, Bok, Mallawee
Age: I am 15. And I mean it.
Address: Honestly?
Favorite Color: Green, Orange
Favorite Food: Rodic's Jumbosilog
Motto in Life: Abolish our selves.
Favorite High School Subject: Biology
Most Hated High School Subject: Values Education
Most Unforgettable Experience: When I abolished my self.
Most Embarrassing Experience: When I abolished my self.
Who is your Crush: My self.
Do you think autograph questions are dumb?: Super.
So why are you answering this?: Why do you care.
Ambition in Life: To be a Super star.
What is Love: Love is what you say when 'horny' doesn't sound right.
If you were a deodorant scent, what would you be?: Natural Scent.
Your film biopic's title would be: E-pal
One word that best describes you: Magnificent.
What can you say about PGMA?: She has a mole on her face.
How about Josepha Estrada?:His stomach is really big.
How about Angel Locsin?:Her face looks too small.
Your alter ego's name is: Kokey
Dedication: World Peace.
Any Last Words?: Rrrawwrr.
We're Just Friends...ter
Yahoo Me, Yahoo You
Allan Habon
Riley Palanca
Aio Arzadon
Cess Carlos
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Because Summers Are Like, Hot
I usually don't have emo moments inside my dorm room in Ipil, because I often associate the whole interior with all the sleepless nights and the moments I spent contemplating on my career dilemmas. But hours ago I felt something unusual with the silence, with my roommate gone, with his side of the room empty and devoid of the usual irritating clutter.
I lay on my bed for the last time (I guess), and it made me remember how hard I tried to fight off the drowsiness whenever I had to cram a book or two for my English class. Or that evening when I tried like hell digesting probability theory only to get an effing failing mark from my she's-so-full-of-herself prof. It's really hard to let go of old habits, much more with lifestyles. This summer, I find it hard to adjust my mood and my disposition. I feel lost. So emo.
I left the dorm at 5:30, when everything was turning yellowish and dusty. I really don't know what to do this summer. All I know is that I have to rest because this has been my most exhausting semester to date. And it freaks me out to know that there are worse to come. But I don't know, looking at it, it's so easy to get eventual relief from all the stress.
2) Still not decided on what to do for the next two months. The thing is, I still have all my school stuff left in my dorm room. I was allowed to keep them there even after dorm cheking out deadline because I sort of lied that I'll be taking summer classes.
But right now I don't seem to buy the whole idea, since I have to miss 3 days of classes for a debate tournament. Even if I have some valid excuse letter, missing three days is almost like, 2 weeks in a regular semester. The only justifications I have for being absent is if I'm near death, someone I have a business with is near death, or if the class is Econ 100.2. None of those apply. That's why I;m thinking of foregoing summer classes.
I've already snatched up nat sci 2 and math 2 in CRS, plus, my friend SJ was able to get me a PE subject (weight training for men) since I didn't have the fez to miss our team training this morning. I think it's sayang not to take those classes, because I want to be over and done with my MST and PE requirements. Plus, CHK people are saying that PE will now be part of one's GWA and may fee na na 2000. Isang malaking WTF sa CHK. Ganda nyo.
Anyhoo, I was googling things a while back searching for some prospective employees. A friend already forwarded my name to her Korean friends in International Center, it was some sort of a one-on-one English tutorial thingy. The fee was 150, and methinks that's so barat. I had almost 12 years of English public education and all I get is freaking 150 per hour? But I'm not really complaining, I'm just...emotional.
***
And so the point is, the whole setup is so dramatic. I have a solemn, somber, profound Holy week to think things over and decide whether I invest on my education or invest on my growth as a needy person. But either way I think it's good. The tradeoff is that I won't be seeing people I like looking at for the whole summer. That sounds rather bad.
And working in Eastwood also sounds fun. That's like, Morato, right? This is me being a pretentious urban clubber.
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Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Blablabla Moments
Tonight I feel shitty, like waking up from some forced daydreaming, or from disillusionment, or from any defense mechanism for the chronically insecure. It somehow relates to the fact that detectinvisible.com is a gift from God, because it shows you the truth during the exact times when you just don't want to see the truth. See how ironic it is. Sometimes, I wonder why reality is so unforgiving.
But then again, since my summer is still hazy in terms of what I'm even supposed to do, drama is not in the agenda. I need to train tomorrow for a tournament next week. Which means I can't enrol for summer classes, which means that I really don't know what I'm going to do. Which means I have to pack loads and loads of my things left untouched inside my dorm room in UP, before the new occupants would throw them away (or maybe steal them?).
I've never felt the weight of tradeoffs, only until now. And honestly I'm currently regretting why I didn't invest on any planner, Starbucks or not. Because I had one last year, and I had about 15 entries up to MArch, and then I never used it again.
By the way, I just got home from a fun semplanning with JPIA EBs in Rizal. It was really stressful, just like what Richard had warned. But I don't know, I think anything new is something fun and amusing. Unless it kills you, like, detectinvisible.com. And yes, I'm hyping the thing up.
Talk about structure. Me. Writing. We're taking different paths now.
Right. May konsepto ng writer's block.
This is the most self-conscious blog post I have written so far. It makes me sound like a cyber-flirt, pubertal, private school girl.
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Monday, March 30, 2009
Magdusa ka, magdusa ako, magdusa tayo
11:30 in Ipil Lobby, I'm wondering why the wi-fi connection has been unreliable lately. It's either 'there's a problem with the wireless server' or it's just ridiculously slow. Like, you can kill someone and dump him somewhere and yet your facebook homepage is only half-loaded.
I still have two exams to go. And I missed a make-up class, which I bet was really important, because I had to go to the dentist and meet someone. I need priority reorientation. I think I suck at that. What's the point? It made me feel bad.
I also finished my last exam in accounting for the year. Which started an hour late.
Me: Sir, sir, bakit ka po late ng one hour?
Sir Lee: *smiles*
Not like I'm complaining. It's just that it made me realize: Why is it so hard to say what we want to say? Can't we just say what we mean? charot.
Two hours ago I was at the main library steps with friend Y, and she was ranting about how his never-was-boyfriend booked a plain ticket to Davao with his spare-tire-girlfriend. And the bottomline of it all was that she was upset, but she's still a strong woman.
Me: So okay, strong ka. K.
And then we talked about a lot of things, while I burned dry bamboo leaves with a lighter because I was bored that way. Which is the reason why I haven't studied yet for my management science subject which I just don't GET. Fine, to give some credit to myself, I just find the instruction boring. Like, who-cares-can-we-just-move-on-with-our-lives boring. But I am powerless...I still have to take this exam, and lose some sleep and some sense of life.
Obviously, I'm not happy today. I could have said it in a simpler way.
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Sunday, March 15, 2009
Beg for Some
I find it weird how 'street beggars', as in please-give-me-money-i'm-destitute-beggars (no judgment) look at the idea of begging itself.
No, make that 'I find it appalling' or 'I find it highly disturbing', to the extent that I'd be so preventive that I will automatically run away from them to avoid their distinct modus operandis for soliciting any form of charity. And I really don't want to think I'm a bad person. I admit that something in our society must be wrong. But I don't think I can solve that right now.
Ah basta! The point is ayaw ko magpaka self-righteous. Gusto ko lang mag share. Lol
I was sipping some McFloat along Taft Av when an old lady with decent looking clothes, and who seemed relatively clean and un-grimy, and who carried a plastic bag full of stuff, approached me and casually gestured that she needed some alms or whatever.
I was shocked. Because for one, she did not look like your stereotypical street beggar. She looked like your stereotypical grandmother. But what was more shocking was that when I said my money was just enough for an FX ride, she smiled blankly, hailed a passing jeepney and got in. Meaning, maybe when she was walking, she realized that she was low on cash to be able to afford a jeepney ride. So she asked for some coins. From a complete stranger. Kasi siguro, feel niya lang.
+++
Ten minutes after, an adolescent boy stopped in front of me and did the same thing. He was saying something about kuya naghihirap na ang kapatid ko maawa ka, kahit mamatay ako okay lang pero kailangan nya ng pera pampagamot. I gestured that I didn't have any money to give. That was right after I heard the word 'mamatay.'
I know it's maarte, but it struck me as something too much. And sorry, but I don't know what to believe in. I don't know the truth. Maybe dismissing these people are like, non-charitable-ness or whatever. But I feel that it's more of convenience, because it's just plain difficult to assess if they really need these acts of charity or not.
The whole point is: there's something wrong with the world. Although, well, that's obvious.
PS. I feel disoriented and unorganized.
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Friday, March 13, 2009
18 Things told to random people
1) It's your fault I find it hard to trust people, or to doubt them, or to think that friendship borders on being somehow ephemeral. It's your fault, really. But it's a good thing we have different lives now. And I hope our circles will never intersect again.
2) It makes me wonder how come you make me laugh even if I'm at the peak of being (or faking being) depressed. And please make me happier by forgetting all about my utang.
3) You saw it coming, I mean, things never working out. Maybe it was about fear of what we did not know. But allow me to be fatalistic when I say that maybe it's just not supposed to happen.
4) Stop pretending to be strong, especially if you're dying to cry and wallow in misery. I like how you assertively act on things, if only your actions were real. It's a good thing you ask for our opinion now. Stop thinking that you can handle things on your own. Even if a lot of bad things come out of my mouth, I think I like it whenever I help you out on the petty aspects of your life.
5) Sorry if we haven't catched up with each other lately. You know I'm not cutting ties with you, don't be OA. I hope my watermelon shake treat counts as a sincere apology.
6) I don't know how you perceive your self. I don't know how much sense of self-elevation you hold. But I hope you try to respect people and their persistence to learn and push themselves. You know it's a process.
7) I wonder why you make me feel fixated. Sounds eww but true. Anyway, whatever happens is fine with me.
8) I hope you don't get disappointed with me. I just want to decide on what's best for me. I don't feel fulfilled.
9) Thanks for making the stay memorable. In the event that I have to leave, I hope we still go out and watch movies.
10) You remind me of how simple it used to be. I know it sounds too childish, but I just want to lie down somewhere and pretend that the world didn't turn out to be this way.
11) You're my one and only stress-relief pill. I get goosebumps whenever I notice how much you've grown up. I want to help ate get you through an excellent schooling.
12) Oftentimes, I'm made to ask if this would last.
13) Stop pestering me with my water bill. I'll pay you! Not like I don't see you everyday in the dormitory!
14) I hate you for lying about not having any change. You think I'll give you my 100 peso bill without getting any goddamn change in return?!
15) You're the only professor I had during this school year that I'll surely miss. Thank you for making me reassess my career options.
16) I also hate you for being so barat with my binagoongan servings. You're precisely the reason why I had to switch carenderias. Talk about unforgivable substitution costs.
17) I really hope you'll get a boyfriend any time soon. The world is too small for single, ranting people.
18) I hope you make some kind of apparition in front of me. My spirituality experiments are just too stressful. Which makes me realize why religious institutions are the WAY to go if I I want convenience. And of course, salvation.
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Sunday, March 08, 2009
What's that again and Eheads
Last night, I watched the Eraserheads' Final Set concert in MoA, expecting to listen to 'Para sa Masa' when all else had been sung, or had been rapped, or had been altered by Ely Buendia because he feels like doing so. But I'm not complaining, I thought it was funny. But the point is, they didn't sing Para sa Masa. And I paid 1 300 for that. Homaygahd.
I don't think I'm an Eheads fan just yet. Because I don't know their albums. Or I can't narrate the music videos of their songs unlike the sweaty, die-hard fans who violently encroached my private space in MoA's concert grounds last night. I just happened to download their anthology albums 2 weeks ago, listened to their songs everyday when I'm on my way to BA, or when I'm headed to SC to buy some popsicle, or when I'm walking to my dorm room after an unforgiving day. And after that I felt like a fan, and I bought a concert ticket with the same money I saved up to buy suer light-weight slippers.
And today I'm blogging about the experience, and my most glaring memory, I think, was the taste of ice-cold Coke after three hours of voluntary dehydration. But I think it was fun, since it was a concert. Concerts are supposed to be fun, right? LOL
++++
Last night, while I sat on an ordinary SM Fairview bus, I decided to make an impromptu poem because I thought I was in a highly poetic scenario. 1 AM. By the window. In a cheap, wind-swept ordinary bus where people all looked stressed out and are all Eheads fans. But apparently I've forgotten the whole poem. I think the gist was that I was sad, emotional and I needed some happiness, or the usual things poems say.
++++
It's 4 PM and I still don't have my allowance for the whole week. I still need to do a lot of papers and other things-you-should-worry-about. I hate this.
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Friday, February 27, 2009
TOP 3 THINGS I LEARNED IN BA 180.1
1) I LEARNED THAT I'M BORDERING ON BEING A COMPUTER-ILLITERATE.
2) I LEARNED THAT BILL GATES IS A GIFT TO HUMANITY.
3) I LEARNED TO BE REALL, REALLY FRIENDLY. CHAROT.
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