i'm feeling a little bit happy (or numb,technically) today. that's why i'm starting off with a relatively optimistic title like" faking some happiness." yes, that is "relatively" happy because if i am siad right tihis very moment i would have used the word "fuck" from the beginning up to this very letter you are processing inside your brain.plus the period. so, there really is nothing to talk about today, but since i went home a bit early i thought of posting some blog, guilty of the fact that i have postponed doing such a lot of times due to some horrifying situations. blame me becuase i don't have my own computer. well, technically i have one right inside my room, but it doesn't have a moded, a disc drive or a printer, so its practically useless. too bad it has to rob me off of space inside my room. see, i'm so happy.


i. they come rushing in


right now i am actually able to remember what happened in marikina, talk about temporary amnesia. it's just that things were too grave for my consciousness. i was dead tired and i couldn't look at everything with a comprehension decent enough to understand. really tired. these things are the only ones i can remember, and i am postin gthem so i would never forget them in the future, unless blogger breaks down its system:

• we rode in cagsawa bus. and my teacher smelled of (eewy, gross out) liquor, or something so foul it kept me awake all night.
• we ate in tropical hut the morning we arrived in concepcio marikina. and i remember how sticky the tiles were when we entered. like some vomit spread out on the floor, they were a bit clingy on the shoe.
• there was no salt in the egg. that is probably the greatest culinary sin you can ever commit, not putting salt in the egg. even i would never ever ever forget to put a pinch of salt in my egg you morons!!
• marikina has red sidewalks. yeah right.whatever.
• we had aircon in our quarters. it made me think what could have been the feeling if i joined the ASEAN quiz. it could have been the first time i could sleep (and snore) inside a five star hotel. hey, its not my fault if im damn too young for the world.haha..
• jovel looks like a spirit wandering the earth.hehehe.peace. because she's sooo flashy. mitsui talks A LOT, hehehe. but its nice because it felt like we had an fm radio inside the room.
• its fun to make fun,err?, of the education supervisor of our division. yeah, ia m such an evil jester. i didn't even spare the es from the wrath of my intellectual jokes.haha.but hey, at least nilibre ako ng pizza.tnx mam.
• i felt old. the old teachers laughed at my jokes. nobody laughs at my jokes. well, my classmates don't. because they're soo devoid of humor.
• i'm the top scorer in the quiz round. with somebody sharing mY(hehe) top spot with her. yeah right. in the end it didn't even matter.
• i got through top ten in the essay round. beat that peregrino, you canine faggot.i'll kill you one day.
• i messes up the talumpati because i talked too much with my new found friends an hour before. duh, it was 5 and its the time when everyone else sleeps except dudes smoking marijuana. so i felt really reaaaally lazy, there wasn't effort. honestly,hehe. believe me!!
• i loved the foods. it was a cornucopia of chow!!
• there were japenese dudes in the separate building.whaatdafuck.
• i hate the shoe souvenirs. get a life and make your minds think! i'd rather wear a shoe than put it in my bag's zipper!

that's as far as i can remember.pity those i can't because for sure, they had been engulfed by my selective ultrahyperpowerful amnesia. or something that sounds like that.oh my im drowning in monotony...i hate our english class...but im so good in english..haha. why should i get the worst kind of learning in the last year of my damn high school life!stop the favoritism!love justice!be fair!or you can die if you like. it would be a lot more better. a lot.

ii.mall of saliva

i went to sm mall of asia with (friend).it was fun riding jeepneys again on the way to sm north edsa. and even better riding in one of those fx cabs that took me to manila, while i sat silent at the back reading the gnostic gospels, and occasionally peeked outside with devilish desires(?)so friend and i met in robinson's ermita. it was hell.not quite. it felt like a thousand schools had a field trip inside rob. i had to pass through a swarm of those pesky kids to get through the path ways. and its dizzyin gbecause each had some scandalous perfumes that pierced my nostrils. even when friend and i were doing that touch screen thing with matching spot the difference thingy (or something like that), they were like howling urban wolves. or some underdeveloped hoodlums and baby prostitutes. now i know why it sucks to be in a public school in an urban mess like manila. so after that friend and i rode a jeep to mall of asia. we stopped about a kilometer away since we already saw that globe thing prominent in the city sky. so as we walked towards the beckoning facade we talked about things. like super NOT feasible projects, things, things, oh shit that is as far as i can remember. i love fully booked. i sat on the floor and slept there like hell, not true, it's just,err, lovable. i love the architechture, or some parts of it. duh, we circled moa in about three hours. we even ate lunch in between.

my coke spilled on my bag. and it felt funny with carbon sizzling on your lap. damn the small tables. i love belgian fries. they're bigger than french.(what?!)it was nice meeting friend again. i could never talk to anyone like the way i can talk about things with friend. friend and i share almost the same wavelength, though friend has troughs on my crest or vice versa at times. it just felt nice that somebody would care to listen. and with the matching background, (nice view of the exterior pf moa, windy afternoon, a tiled skyway overlooking macapagal avenue and some sticky humid air) i was able to say things, sensible or trashy, things that i kept to myself for the last three months staying dormant there in tnhs. my classmates, please grow up, or find the error in your ways, or just disappear!haha. or i'd be the one to disappear. it doesn't matter. why can't you see we break ourselves apart. it shouldn't be like this if you never succumbed to greed or glory. get me out of here.shit.

i love life on certain seconds. seconds when i'm lucky enough to forget horrible things. right now i've forgotten them because my responsibilities crashed so overwhelmingly in front of my face. anyway i fele like i can live through somehow. i know i can get through this with pain perhaps, but at least surviving.just keep the rope and the cutter away from my sight.

oh world save me from this living hell.

the day will come.

gnothi seauton.