about ten minutes ago, i was clutching a book in one hand, reading mindlessly, as i drifted along Tabaco's wet, and mossy street ways. it's tuesday, and that means one of the very few occasion when we are spared from ten straight classes each day. perhaps i and my classmates, or the rest of my school, are the only ones benefited in a great deal by Mayon's looming eruption. due to the influx of evacuees settling in the classrooms, the schedule was shifted such that 4th and 2nd years have to go to school in an MWF basis and the 1st and 3rd years, at TTh. so that is why i was there, in T.Cabiles, unmindful of obstructions that could suddenly bang me in the head, i just read, and read, and i never noticed how cold the drizzle was, or how unusually smoggy it was in that obscure, lonely alley. ooohh, how melodramatic.

ii. unkept sayonaras

it feels odd blogging on a tuesday, especially if i have two of my classmates here frantically typing our book report for tomorrow. while i, the unknowing i, wouldn't even give the slightest budge. i don't know why english and i had been getting a little shaky for the past few months. you see, since grade 1, or even nursery for Christ's sake, i never had a grade lower thatn 95 in english. and its rather appalling to see the e-i-c of a multiawarded schoolpaper getting a low mark in the LANGUAGE THAT HE HAS BEEN USING IN SPEAKING AND WRITING FOR THE LAST TEN YEARS OF HIS LIFE!!!oh that's quite an exaggeration, but the point is, if you want to get quality outputs, you might as well dish in some quality inputs.right. don't just trash out some crappy stuff then wish that your students woulld rival the fierceness of Virginia Woolf and Edgar Allan Poe, plus, a bonus British classy twang. you will never get an education from somebody who doesn't value the worth of learning.


iii. speeding through bilingualism


in about two hours from now, i'll be off to Marikina for the National Tagisan ng Talino sa Wika at Panitikan. i'm not really excited since, shit, its flooded in Manila and that is exactly where i will be going. and right now i could almost imagine plastic trash and some excrements clinging to my legs like some hormonal adolescents in heat. shit. that's quite vivid. anyway, i have been prepping up myself for this competition, i had read some books, not that much actually. and it makes me feel like i'm not prepared enough, oh shit now i feel like jumping out the window beside me. i don't know if i got what it takes to get through this competition, i never won an individual contest in the national plane. and thinking about such grand thought, i couldn't help but degrade myself and my abilities. i may be good, but i had always felt that i had never been good enough. and great things for me, meant things that i had toiled for and had grown into things through sheer luck. perhaps i am not really destined for gretaness at this point in my life, but still i feel contented knowing that i had sought to know the things which i believed, are the pillars of human truth. yeah right, whatever.

iii. ad hominem, ad populi

this kind of stuck into my head lately, these are what we refer to as rhethorical errors, and i feel so lazy to actually expound on them. there has been this feeling of utter pain that has been corrupting me lately. i couldn't smile because everything makes me pissed off, i couldn't laugh because my world was devoid of humor, i couldn't mess around, because my world was barren of freedom. they say its better staying in tabaco, because it is home. but i believe home is never the place that you are supposed to be, though you don't want to. home is simply the place that will seclude you from the pain that keeps you from being contented with who you are. and tabaco, instead of secluding me from corruptive pain, flares it up to a fire that has burnt my being into worthless, worthless, ashes.

i wish for a life that never asks.
not because it was told not to ask for anything.
but simply because
it has
its
own sense of satisfaction.
profound satisfaction.
a life
i wish
profound satisfaction
a wish
a life
to live