Dear Baby Sophie,

It’s me, your Uncle Bok. The one you slap and punch when you get annoyed, the face that woke you up a lot of times and the hands that would often carry you since the day you arrived from the hospital. I am your mother’s youngest sibling, so it’s not hard for me to understand your mood swings. Like you, Baby Sophie, I am a child of the world, I roam freely and I defy the rules of the universe. We are both babies, Baby Sophie, even if I will be turning 16 this month. I am a baby because I refuse to yield to the monotonous solemnity of adulthood. But, Baby Sophie, even if I am afraid to grow old and wither in time, I don’t have any choice but to grow up.

It’s hard to be a child in an adult’s world, you may never know who you are. Unlike your everyday routine, I don’t have a lot of time to play, to hop and to skip. I can’t afford to cry because the world might think I am weak, and weakness is the seed of vulnerability. I cannot act like a child now, Baby Sophie, because my age dictates my being. Nobody likes to see an adolescent playing with your neon-shaded plastic toys, we are supposed to be in school studying, courting, romancing or doing things that society expects us to do. I can no longer be like you, Baby, you live within your world, oblivious to the desires of human morality. I am an adult now, or so I think, and I have to do what adults do, succumb to existential desires.

Unlike you, I don’t sleep all night. My nights are saved for the worth of my learning. Your pleasure of sleeping is my greatest yearning, for my soul keeps itself alive with the fading night. I drug myself literally, I drink coffee, take some medicines, do some exercises and pressure my brain to keep my system functional. I am perverting myself, Sophie. I no longer enjoy the freedom of life. I am now bounded to my obligations for my own future that I have never seen. I get jealous whenever I see you sleeping soundly in the silence of the early mornings, you seem so free. I had forgotten the joy of my own being. Right now I live for something I don’t know, but something to which I offer the many sleepless nights. If you see me tonight you won’t recognize me. I am no longer the Uncle who carries you around tirelessly, the Uncle who sings and plays with you uncomplaining. I am now an “adult” of the books, the slave of learning, and yet I feel contented, it is where I belong.

But when you grow up, Baby Sophie, try to aim beyond the glory of education-fulfill yourself. Never let the desires corrupt your appreciation for joy. Or if you do not want to get hurt, even if pain is inevitable, make yourself deserving of comfort. Never yield to the superficial woes of mankind, sharpen your being, and strengthen your will. The weak are the melting snow of spring, and you should be the majestic tree that prevails through the cold. Do not cry for things you cannot fix, instead, replace them. Tears are but the expulsion of inner pain, and never the solution to your problems. Rule yourself and never be open for slavery of thought. Be your own master and lead your life according to how you look at the world.

Don’t be like me, I made mistakes. I am not pushing you into perfection, but I want to spare you from the dreadful feeling of committing errors that can no longer be undone. I am you Uncle and it is my responsibility to educate you about life. Aim high but expect little, great expectations have the most potential to push you back down to the reality of your earth. Don’t think that humility is hypocrisy, humility is survival. Nobody adores an arrogant and boastful man, show them modesty but never degrade the worth of yourself. There are many things you should know, Baby Sophie, things that I only learned lately. They are great lessons that you need to sustain your life not just with decency, but with profound satisfaction. Life itself is one great opportunity, never waste it because you’re sad, or because you’re depressed or frustrated. The feeling of sadness might be overwhelming at times, but if you lull too much over the meaninglessness it brings, in the end you feel robbed of time. Every second is your chance to be happy, and a single frown is an ingratitude to this noble gift. You are a child, and make the most out of it.

Right now Baby Sophie, I am done studying for our Physics quiz. My eyes had been blackened by all the sleepless nights, and my brain is getting slower and slower through the night. Perhaps you are already asleep behind your snoring mother, or you are still busy watching TV commercials while ate tries in vain to slip a spoon of cerelac to your tiny elusive mouth. I don’t know where you are now, because you have moved out of the house a year ago. But what I know is that one day you will feel like growing up, and when that day finally arrives, never think that you are compelled to leave some things behind. Just grow up and be so, it’s better that way, believe me.

Your cute and sleepy Uncle,

Uncle Bok

Labels: Coffee, Senti, Sophie