well i am yet to discover that, i am only on my fifth day of regular meditation, lying flat on my back at 12 in the morning taking in deep 'noursihing' breath to 'heal my battered' soul or whatever the book said. kidding aside, i am noticing an apparent streak of positivism inching along the picture, and i feel a bit better because the usual self-cursings are gone. and no, i no longer think about absurd things like the way i used to. i feel so light that i'm starting to forget that i'm getting physiologically heavy [i'll deny that].

and too bad i had to pay 21 000 pesos for such a label. i can't think.

i'm too bummed. i'm so sorry.

but it won't take us anywhere.

i enrolled today, and i had to brave long sweaty lines for 4 straight hours, ignore personnel senility, ignore upper years' repulsive presupposed sagaciousness, ignore everyone, ignore boredom, ignore things. i was too tired that when i came home, i took a long bath.

why am i even thinking about it. as if it's something.

jelline said i should forget. i think she's right. but sometimes it's bad to fly off in unreasonable silence. even i would find that selfish. i think nobody's affected the way i saw it.

it's my fault.sorry.

shut up.shut up.shut up.

oooohhhh. complex thoughts.

now i really have to meditate.