partly, that was how i used to be in high school. i doubted things, and now i still do. however, it never occured to me that i must have my own sense of skepticism so that people would view me with such distinction from the usual bland existential patterns of other people. i just knew that there was something wrong with what people believed in.

now that i'm in college, especially, now that i have been immersed into the UP culture, i realized that doubting, or at least, the kind of doubt i have now is not bout image construction, or forging beliefs with a conscious intent at external perception. i have come into indignation that my doubting is an intellectual stand, respect to the boundlessness of truth, a deviation not from a collective belief, but a deviation from convenient fallacy. i doubt because there is something wrong, and yet this wrong will not make things easy for me. and so while i ponder on the harsh paradox of our existence [at least, sometimes, hahaha], many people choose not to doubt, and live such a convenient life.

and so, i went to church yesterday. it was my belief. but nothing more happened.

so? eh ano naman ngayon? so pumunta ka sa church pero hindi ka nagdasal, ama namin at anupamang ritwal?syempre ng dasal din ako. ang punto ko lng eh, wala saken yung belief nila na if go to church i will fulill obigations, i f i go to church i will be redeemed, if i go to church i will be spiritually enlightened. ohh...so, bakit ka pa pumupunta sa simbahan??!wala lang. kasi una, hindi mo maiiwasan na magi kang social being. man is a social being, we live in a society. so parang, if these people go to church because they believe in God, and if yes, at least i believe in God and we share the same belief, then i will go to church. ahhhhh....so kahit pala sa mormon eh pwede ka magsimba?hawbout sa iglesia?sa sabadista?oo naman. pero i will join them with only a sole thought in my mind, that we believe in god. pero on the other beliefs, i still have to make my own stand regarding them. sus, andaming eklat eh yun din lng pala punto mo, na you believe in God. may pa 'i went to-i went to church ka pa jan' eh. leche ka talaga!paki mo ba! kasama yun sa context eh!